Five-a-side TOTW: January 5th 2017

Picking an eleven is hard; picking just five is even harder.

Guardiola had a breakdown, Liverpool threw away three points and Chelsea’s defeat at Spurs left us with more questions than answers. At the other end of the table Swansea edged out Crystal Palace and Hull City suffered another unfortunate defeat. Through all of this we’ve picked another five-a-side team and, if we’re honest, this one probably wouldn’t suit the small pitch format. Oh well. Roll on the F.A cup.

Goalkeeper – Lee Grant

We welcome back Lee Grant for a third appearance in TOTW. We really do have our favourites. There’s not a lot we can do when the on-loan Derby County keeper is one of the only goalkeepers to be making crucial saves. Last week he snuck into our team after a string of impressive saves kept a rampant Chelsea at bay for as long as possible. This week, however, his job was much more straightforward with Watford posing little threat throughout. However, Stoke were in desperate need of a clean sheet and at 1-0 up Watford captain Troy Deeney unleashed a good effort to Grant’s left. He responded well to make the save and two minutes later Peter Crouch made it 2-0. Does Grant really lose his place when Jack Butland returns?

The Anchor – Michael Carrick

It’s fair to say Michael Carrick didn’t have a lot of work to do against ten-man West Ham; particularly on the defensive side. Nevertheless, the de facto United captain has been brilliant in his side’s recent run of much improved performances. He has the gift of allowing his more eccentric teammates to play their own games whilst holding the centre of the park and nearly always offering an outlet. He attempted 104 passes on Monday evening with a 94% completion rate. I find it hard to believe a player of Carrick’s age is still the best United have to offer but his ability has obviously impressed Mourinho. Whether or not his old legs would be up for darting around a five-a-side pitch is an altogether different question…

The Playmaker – Robert Snodgrass

Robert Snodgrass makes an overdue debut in TOTW following his seventh league goal of the season for a struggling Hull City side. On paper it’s an odd choice; Hull lost 3-1 away to West Brom and manager Mike Phelan was sacked a day later. But Snodgrass really has been that good and Hull City’s relegation would be nailed-on had it not been for his efforts. He dispatched a finish into the bottom corner to open the scoring and helped his side create a handful of chances as they chased a game that would never come back to them. I can’t stress enough how far the Scotsman’s performances have been ahead of his teammates.  West Brom compatriot Matt Phillips also had a good game in what was a promising 90 minutes for Scotland manager Gordon Strachan.

The Match Winner – Dele Alli

‘We’ve got Alli, Dele Alli!’ rang round White Hart Lane yesterday night as the young Englishman nodded home two perfectly angled headers to sink Antonio Conte’s dominating Chelsea side. The result was due as much to Chelsea’s bizarrely absent performance as it was to Tottenham’s excellence. Alli appears to have it all and has raced to 20 Premier League goals in just 52 games – faster than any of the leading centre midfielders of the last two decades (it took Gerrard 168…). Alli has now scored a brace in each of his last three matches and is the first person to do so since an electric Luis Suarez got ten in four games in 2013 (we think). Alli learnt his trade at MK Dons and carries with him a healthy dose of the physical aspects of lower division football. I remained unconvinced far longer than many others but he’s transitioned into a very intelligent footballer. Expect to hear some over-the-top and premature comparisons in the next few weeks from the one Spurs fan you know; Gerrard, Lampard…. Zidane?

The Finisher – Olivier Giroud

Arsenal were pretty useless on Tuesday night going down 3-0 to a Bournemouth side that now look completely comfortable in the Premier League. However, Arsenal’s winter wobble has been partially saved by the underrated Olivier Giroud. He’s grabbed just five goals this year but at an impressive rate of one every 70 minutes. With Alexis Sanchez on the verge of a sulk, Arsenal are lucky to have a player as determined to succeed as Giroud. The striker was handed a rare start against Bournemouth and though Arsenal collectively were abysmal for an hour, they rallied impressively in the final thirty. Giroud teed up Arsenal’s first two goals before nodding home an equalizer in the second minute of stoppage time. He’s since copped a lot of flak for ‘over-celebrating’ his goal by mimicking his scorpion flick from the previous match. The better option would have been to grab the ball and maximise the remaining minutes but seriously – are people really complaining? Giroud’s been accused of a lack of thought but how about acknowledging his total focus in the last half hour when operating as Arsenal’s biggest threat? He’s been reduced to the subs bench all season and it was game over at 3-0. Arsenal would have happily taken a point at that stage and Giroud was responsible for that happening. Chapeau Olivier!


Mike Franchetti